a man named Manny

A man named Manny lived in a Manhattan mansion manifestly too large for one man. Somehow Manny managed to maintain the mansion with its manicured lawns in an appropriate manner. But Manny worked in a low-paid manufacturing job and the mandatory mortgage repayments were like a manacle around his neck. One day, muttering a maniacal mantra, Manny grabbed his keys from the mantelpiece, got in his car, manipulated the manual transmission and drove into the country. Manny went for a walk, stepped in manure and was attacked by a Manticore, of all things. Manny's corpse was so mangled that to manoeuvre it into his coffin took many, many men. One final irony: I dripped mango juice all over the manuscript of this story!

© Copyright S R Schwarz 2007. All rights reserved.

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le Club Nosferatu

It was 3:00 am and they were hungry. Where could they go in the City to feed? There were hardly any people out and about and all the restaurants and take-away joints were closed. So after some debate they decided to go clubbing instead. When they got there the music was pounding loud enough to burst the eardrums of a beggar sleeping in the alley out back. He clutched his skull and wailed piteously. The blood ran down his cheeks. "Well that's handy," said Armand, "we can have a quick snack before we go in!"

© Copyright S R Schwarz 2007. All rights reserved.

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the thing of fortunes

"You know what they say about fortunes? They come true in strange and bitter ways... in unexpected, unpredictable ways... particularly if you seek to tell them or know them... And most especially the thing of fortunes is..."

© Copyright S R Schwarz 2007. All rights reserved.

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sorry doesn't help

Kevin was scared. And worried. And confused. He hadn't meant to go so far, and now he was lost, and dad was going to be angry. Kevin didn't want to go back into the dark room under the stairs, and dad was going to say "warned you and warned you" and mum was going to say "he didn't mean it" and dad was going to say "for his own good" and mum was going to say "he doesn't understand" and dad was going to say "danger to hisself and others..."

Then Kevin saw the policeman and remembered that mum told him to ask a policeman if he was lost, and he went to the policeman and tried to explain but the policeman was very busy, and couldn't hear Kevin's story properly, so Kevin boxed the policeman's ears to help him hear Kevin's story properly.

Then the policeman was feeling very sick and he fell down on the pavement and his face was funny and people started running and shouting, and Kevin was sorry and he was lost and he wanted to go home...

© Copyright S R Schwarz 2007. All rights reserved.

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meaningslaughter

Seventeen spin cycles ago, the August Facility of Horse-Mongerers Generale convened an Erstwhile Redolence, ostensibly to honor Pederast and zer military facilitations. Naturally, nobody expected Pederast to instantiate specifically, explicitly or otherwise---notwithstanding ministrations of dubious provenance to the contrary. Of course, it goes without saying, but not without writing, that the Redolence itself was incurably dogmatic in the sense of total nonsense, and that the Commentariat were to small as bigness is to infinitesimalness, but that the Gigo Principle itself demands an end to this rubbish, without feuhrer ado, thusly.

© Copyright S R Schwarz 2007. All rights reserved.

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last of the snow-elves

Wearied by zer lifetime quest, ze stares into the embers of a dying fire, and weeps. Zer tears float weightless through the twilight, evaporate into tiny sparkling jewels, then fall to earth—cold grains of sorrow, their magic spent. The last and finest of zer kind, ze attempts a summoning but zer power is almost gone. Zer magic freezes into crystal runes that crack, then splinter into dust. Disheartened Ze does not notice the approach of The Pale Man.

As the wrack and ruin of zer physical form commences, ze retreats into the comfort of zer mantra, zer lips moving softly with the exultation within. Ze feels the pain caress the fabric of zer soul, but chooses to find no suffering in it, instead allowing zer love to flow toward the dark grey mist hanging like a shroud over zer tormentor.

"Who now would wish to be," asks The Pale Man, his voice brittle, "holier than thou, Eriol, or as holy as thee?…" The mirror-meaning shatters into word-shards of irony. His eyes glitter like stars. Trails of tears glisten on his cheeks.

"Though you tear the flesh," zer reply barely audible, "the light still gleams softly in the garden of forever…"

The Pale Man shrugs disparagingly. "My dear, your receptors are ardent and swollen with longing, soon they shall know culmination…" He wriggles his long bony fingers menacingly.

Suddenly, his anger rising at zer lack of response, he rips the wounds wider, gripping harder, gritting his teeth, zer blood streaming…

Still no reaction, at the physical level. Etherically, ze continues emanating divine energy, bathing him in a warm and golden light.

The pleasure is so sweet, he looses his bowels, the turds slither over her belly leaving wet trails -- like blood-bloated slugs they slide on her, hissing like serpents. Almost immediately, the richness begins to go out of it, evaporating into memory---the lechery of it burning his mind.

"Oh you’re good," says The Pale Man, "you're very good…" his legs shaking, his torso swaying as the full force of the rapture takes hold. "But I see through your illusions, though your taint besmirches my innermost treasure, I deny your truth always.

"Prepare now to die, Eriol, and with thee, thy glamours and visions." Raising the blade above his head, he pauses briefly then plunges it into zer eye socket.

But death is not appointed to meet with zer in that particular timeslice. Stab though he might, (and mighty was his stabbing), life will not leave the beast, battered and bloody though ze is.

After a while The Pale Man tires of this gruesome sport, and stands back, weary and ashamed.

In the morning, they both are turned to stone.

© Copyright S R Schwarz 2007. All rights reserved.

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